Two weeks ago we got a chance to see our little baby in a sonagram and found out that it's probably a girl... based on that I'm naming her "Blossom" for the blog (her real name is much prettier:-)). I offered to help a pregnancy center train their staff to look at sonograms so we got a sonogram that was an hour long and lots of cool pictures of her toes, hands, face, and etc... it was so much fun!
Everytime I am pregnant it bothers me even more that people can take abortion so lightly in our culture. The technicians that were working with me told me that there is a 80% likelihood that a mother (who already decided to have an abortion) will decide to not have an abortion when they see a sonogram of their child. They told me that most mothers actually believe it's just a "blob growing inside them" until the end when the baby comes out. When they see the face and fingers and toes in the sonogram they finally realize it's a child inside of them.
How can people think that???? Yes, I was raised in a pro-life home and homeschooled and I suppose that may have something to do with it but how can our schools and surroundings indoctrinate us so much that we don't realize that at 16 weeks our babies have had fingerprints for weeks, have toes and hands, and already show a bit of their own personality. Our baby was so sweet, she was curling up and twisting around and covering her face like she was trying to get comfortable. I can already feel her kick Buddy when he's on my lap and "squishing" her too much. I can see that she has a different personality from our son in the way she moves around - he was kicking and swimming and going to town during his sonogram and she was much more laid back but just looked like she was snuggling to get comfortable. Blossom is a baby that for now just needs some more time to grow inside of me... I cannot fathom how anyone when faced with the truth can feel otherwise about their child.
"Freedom of Choice" is such a foolish phrase to use for it, and I can't understand how our culture can support it.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Conflict
With my new pregnancy (I'm now 18 weeks along) I have found so many added conflicts of interest. Just when I felt that I had my life semi-balanced between work and son and husband and home I got pregnant and intensly sick. Not as sick as last time, thankfully, but still sick enough to throw the balance way off kilter again.
I suppose that I'm probably a perfectionist but I feel like my pregnancies throw me way beyond just "not being perfect". When I wake up to my son crying in the morning and know he has to wait 15 minutes because I can't move and when we go through weeks of packaged pre-made food and no healthy home made meals it's hard for me to feel like I'm good enough. I know that God is probably using this to teach me patience and to not expect so much out of myself and I'm attempting to learn it. I just thought I got the chance to try to learn it last time but I guess I needed a refresher course.:-)
I was telling my husband the other day that I don't understand why people talk about the "pregnancy glow" and loving the feeling of being pregnant because to me it's worth it because of the baby coming (and baby kicks are fun too:-)) - but not at all because of the "glow"/emotions/etc... His reply was that it's probably just because *my* pregnancies are so rough.:-) Most days, my 14 month old son seems to understand my lack of energy and adjusts himself accordingly, but sometimes it frustrates me even more because he's frustrated that I can't play with him or help him and I know he doesn't understand what's happening at all. In retrospect though, I think I take it to heart more than he does.:-)
Now that I'm further along I seem to get a clear afternoon break of not being too sick where I can do a little more but that can be frustrating in itself because if I do too much I'm back to the couch and bathroom for a few days and it never feels like I can get enough done. I suppose that lesson is really what life is all about though, what we can do never is enough.
And so I close up this post, send up another prayer, and smile at myself. I'm just glad that I'm not supposed to be able to do everything on my own... and I need to realize that this is just life.:-)
I suppose that I'm probably a perfectionist but I feel like my pregnancies throw me way beyond just "not being perfect". When I wake up to my son crying in the morning and know he has to wait 15 minutes because I can't move and when we go through weeks of packaged pre-made food and no healthy home made meals it's hard for me to feel like I'm good enough. I know that God is probably using this to teach me patience and to not expect so much out of myself and I'm attempting to learn it. I just thought I got the chance to try to learn it last time but I guess I needed a refresher course.:-)
I was telling my husband the other day that I don't understand why people talk about the "pregnancy glow" and loving the feeling of being pregnant because to me it's worth it because of the baby coming (and baby kicks are fun too:-)) - but not at all because of the "glow"/emotions/etc... His reply was that it's probably just because *my* pregnancies are so rough.:-) Most days, my 14 month old son seems to understand my lack of energy and adjusts himself accordingly, but sometimes it frustrates me even more because he's frustrated that I can't play with him or help him and I know he doesn't understand what's happening at all. In retrospect though, I think I take it to heart more than he does.:-)
Now that I'm further along I seem to get a clear afternoon break of not being too sick where I can do a little more but that can be frustrating in itself because if I do too much I'm back to the couch and bathroom for a few days and it never feels like I can get enough done. I suppose that lesson is really what life is all about though, what we can do never is enough.
And so I close up this post, send up another prayer, and smile at myself. I'm just glad that I'm not supposed to be able to do everything on my own... and I need to realize that this is just life.:-)
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